The Winter Olympics started last Friday. As you may or may not recall, this meant I was supposed to grab my knitting needles and begin my wildly ambitious knitting project as the torch was lit, thus beginning my own parallel Knitting Olympic event right there in front of the television.

What actually happened?

I did not see the torch lit nor have I seen a moment of Olympic action. Sure, I’ve gotten reports about what’s happened so far. The Y chromosome requires memorizing and reciting sporting results and there are three Sheehans with the Y chromosome keeping me updated. So I know Apollo fell in his favorite event and Bode came in fifth in the downhill. But live coverage? Did I see these moments? Nope. We have a problem Houston. Actually, we have several problems.

Problem number 1
We live on a quiet dirt road. This means the cable company passed on providing us service. The hills that surround us mean we can’t get the local NBC station even with our gigantic unsightly 1980’s type antennae. We do have a mini dish but the dish company is not allowed to give us their New York or West Coast feed for NBC because we might miss the local ads on the local NBC affiliate we can’t get and not be out there buying local products. We have written many testimonials about not being able to get the local feed to no avail.

Last week, my husband called to beg for Olympic mercy. Jim hoped someone would believe our sad tale and agree to flip a switch at headquarters. But no, the dish people said the only solution was to install a SECOND dish that would get the local NBC affiliate. More good news! They couldn’t come to install the dish until today, day five of the Olympics. I expect the installers sometime this afternoon. I look forward to adding to the forest of ugly technology on the roof of our home.

Problem number 2
My project choice was ridiculously ambitious but sadly, not out of character. I decided to knit Willy a log cabin afghan during the Olympics. The last log cabin afghan I knit was for Ben. I planned to have it as a gift when he graduated from college. I started it at the beginning of his senior year. He got the afghan 18 months post graduation. One might think I would have done the math and decided to knit Willy one of the twenty five squares needed for the afghan. But no! I told him I was going for it. So far, I have one half log cabin square, knit while watching a Gilmore Girl rerun.

This basic overreach reminded me of other moments when my enthusiasm has been somewhat unrealistic. Say the time I called Jim at work on a Friday afternoon and asked him to build me a tool shed that weekend. He asked how big a tool shed I was hoping for. I said 16’X24’ with a second story. He sweetly said “That’s a barn not a tool shed.”

I am sure he loved spending October, November, and December of that year out in the elements. There was a particularly special moment when he and his brother were trying to put up the ridge pole in a gale force wind and both of them almost blew off the second floor of the barn. Ahh the memories!

Problem number 3
Who are we fooling about what kind of TV viewing is going to be going on once this dish is in place? I don’t remember the last time I was in charge of the remote and so much channel surfing happens during any viewing experience that its a good thing I look at my knitting and not the television. Watching the screen causes motion sickness.

The Y chromosomes in the family, who understand and have custody of the remote, have already informed me that they think sappy life story pieces on the athletes have ruined the Olympics. These are the things I like best. When the dish is installed, I will be watching their idea of sports coverage. Actual sports in action. Really, how pathetic when I could be watching docudramas about why that little old lady from Michigan became a world class curler.

So e-mail me the story lines of the Olympic docudramas because I will either be out in the snow helping the dish guy drill holes in our home or watching some sort of hockey game/ nordic combined event/ ESPN sports update/ UConn basketball game happening simultaneously.